The Last Two Episodes of Peppermint Park
(After the intro, we cut to the G-man at his desk in his room smiling excessively) G-man (Excitedly): I am the G-man, and that’s all you need to know about that! It’s time! It’s finally time! We are at the last two episodes of Peppermint Park! (Ode to Joy starts as clips from Peppermint Park begin to play) G-man (V.O calmly): Let me tell you; it’s been hell going through this shit! But soon, it’ll finally be over! I don’t know why everyone’s been trying to stop me, but they’ll be thankful that we’ll never have to hear about this again! To summarize; creepy puppets, poor reputation, and hard-to-find VHS tapes. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Well, here it goes; here are the last two episodes of Peppermint Park! (Cut to the opening scene of the fifth episode) G-man (V.O): Episode five is titled Carnival Fun. And here’s that theme one last time: Male voice (V.O singing): Good friends! Gonna get together with good friends! Everything is better with friends like you, there’s so much to do in Peppermint Park! (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: If by "So much to do", you mean annoy and scare children, then I’ll take my business elsewhere, good sir! (Cut back to the episode) Snorkee: Hi, Sophie! What’re you doing there? Sophie: Hi, Snorkee! I’m reading about the letter A! (Cut to a clip from Happy Days) Fonzie: Ayyy! (Cut back to the episode) Female voice (V.O): Today on Peppermint Park, we’re learning about the letter A. The letter A is the first letter in the Alphabet. It’s also the first letter in the word "Airplane". The letter A; it’s the first letter in the word "Alligator". G-man (V.O): It’s also the first letter in the phrase “Aw, shit! Peppermint Park again?”. Anyway, after an unnamed alligator puppet sings about the letter A, we get a look at a train museum, count to the number 10, and see how drums are made. Male voice (V.O): Now, boys and girls, here’s the Peppermint Park Story Lady. (Cut back to the G-man wearing a blonde wig acting as the Story Lady) G-man (In female voice): My name’s Karen, god damnit! (Cut back to the episode) G-man (V.O): Also, you may have noticed that nothing related to carnivals has been mentioned even once. That’s because their a bunch of idiots and saved it for the very last segment. Why call an episode something if the main essential is minimal? Anyway, we get a dog marionette dancing, and then a song about a flamingo. Afterwards, it’s an animated seat belt safety song. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Now, I know what you’re thinking: "G-man, why do you keep skipping everything?" That’s because none of the segments in each episode have a point to it. (There’s a moment of silence before the G-man speaks again) You can see why this failed. (Cut back to the episode) Male voice (V.O): It’s time once again for Stump the Star! On other exciting programs, Wiley has been our special guest, and sometimes, even the famous Snorkee. G-man (V.O): Hold up! When was Wiley part of it? The official wiki doesn’t say anything about it, so what the hell happened? (He sighs) Once again, this has caused confusion and delay… Female voice (V.O): Today on Peppermint Park, we’re learning how to listen. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Listen, Linda! Listen! (Cut back to the episode) G-man (V.O): After that, we count to eight really loudly, a song about a turtle, and then a song about the letter P. Afterwards, we get… Whatever this is: Female voice (V.O): Here’s the letter A. Three letters are capital letters, and one is a small letter. Do you know which one is the small letter A? (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: You know, I would make a Sesame Street joke, but seeing as how you’re always expecting it every time I review Peppermint Park, I’m instead going to show this: (Cut to a picture of a durian with text over it reading "Mr. Chef, I don’t smell so good…" over it. Cut back to the episode) G-man (V.O): Our last song for this episode is about the carnival. About damn time! And then we end episode five. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: And now we’re finally at- (He gets interrupted by his iPhone ringing. Groaning, he picks it up) Hello? (The caller turns out to be a shadowy figure in a dark room watching the G-man from a monitor. During their conversation, it cuts between them) ???: Wowie! You’re almost done! G-man (Under his breath): This again? ???: You know it! Go on! Review that last little episode! G-man: You know what? I was gonna do it, but now that you keep bothering me, I’m deciding against it! ???: Aw, what a shame! And you were so close to figuring out who I am! G-man: What? Who are you? (The figure hangs up and the G-man groans in frustration) Alright, let’s get this over with… (Cut to the opening of the final episode) G-man (V.O): The sixth and last episode is called Discover Feelings. And for the hell of it, here’s that theme one last time: Male voice (V.O singing): Good friends! Gonna get together with good friends! Everything is better with friends like you, there’s so much to do in Peppermint Park! G-man (V.O): But then our luck runs out when we get a visit from Satan’s Muppets. Snorkee: Hi, gang! And welcome to the show! I’m really glad you could be with us today! (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Guess what? This is literally the only segment where feelings are mentioned! And the point is…? (The text "THERE IS NONE!" in all capital letters pops up for a brief moment) Thank you, editor! Pivot (From offscreen): No prob! (Cut back to the episode) Female voice (V.O): Today on Peppermint Park, we’re learning about the letter S. The letter S: It’s the first letter in the word "Swimming". The letter S: It’s also the first letter in the word "Slide". These children are sliding down the slide. (Cut to back to the G-man who is dressed as a waiter) G-man: Hi, I will be your dedicated non-carer tonight! (Cut back to the episode) G-man (V.O): After we get a song about the letter S, we head to Piggle and Sparky the Clown talking about fire alarms. Piggle: What’s that? Smokey: Well, that’s a smoke detector, Piggle. And that is what we use in a house to detect a fire. G-man (V.O): I’m sorry, but since its not voiced by Gilbert Gottfried, I’m outta here. We then get a song about a car, we get the Story Lady segment again, and count to ten really loudly. Afterwards, we get a segment called, and I’m quoting from the Wiki: "Boat Showcase". Male voice (V.O): Today on Peppermint Park, we’re looking at some unusual boats. Like this paddlewheel boat. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Would it be a bad time to say "I ship it"? (The sound of an audience booing is heard) Okay, I guess so… (The booing stops as we cut back to the episode) G-man (V.O): Anyway, we then get something called the Letter O Song. And fun fact time! Wiley is singing this, but originally, it was supposed to bean orange chimp puppet. And before you ask, I don’t why it was dropped, either. And then we get Magic Megan, we count to seven, and then Professor Goodstuff shows us how to make a musical instrument. After that, we get a dancing cat who- (Cut to said cat puppet) WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?! (Cut back to the G-man looking horrified) G-man: What the hell happened to you, Heathcliff?! (Cut to a clip from Rick James’ interview) Rick: Cocaine’s a hell of a drug! (Cut back to the episode) G-man (V.O): After two a-holes argue, and someone named Carman Banana dances for our amusement, we get the next time segment that was thankfully never made. (Cut back to the G-man breathing a sigh of relief) G-man: And that was Peppermint Park! Well, I reviewed all six episodes, and now I’m ready for a damn vacation! (There’s a moment of silence before the G-man speaks again) Actually, I’m gonna give that "Hell Frog" one last call. (He pulls out his iPhone and dials an anonymous number. Suddenly, the sound of a phone ringing is heard. Confusing the G-man. He looks towards the closet door and cautiously walks over to it. As soon as he grabs the knob, the screen goes black and the sound of the G-man screaming is heard. After a while, white text fades in) Text: To be continued… Category:Episode